Everyone seems to go away in August. My business partner finally took a holiday, our new business development consultant was on holiday, our clients are away, prospective clients are away … am I missing something? I always tend to go away in June and September. This year it’s been different though and I’ve unfortunately front-loaded my year so I now have a 6 month marathon to make it to Christmas. Thankfully my job is my passion so it won’t feel like the type of marathon where I’ll be gasping for air after the first mile wondering how on earth I’m going to make it through the next however many miles when my feet already feel like they’re dragging half the mud I’ve just trampled on. Miles of contemplation whether I’m actually capable of doing such a thing which consequently leads to a marathon of self-doubt, disappointment, anger, bursts of motivational discussions with myself coupled with the other person on my shoulder saying ‘but you’re feeling so exhausted, this isn’t natural’ ultimately leading to a demise in all self-worth and ambition for doing something for myself…….but the next 6 months won’t be like that. They’ll be full of exciting opportunities and projects … that’s the motivational speaker in my head talking again.
Work is a funny thing. Even when you do something you love it is never the idyllic scenario those with ‘normal’ jobs think it is. Sometimes I crave a mundane job where I’m not haunted by my own insecurities and anxieties of success and fear of failure. But this is usually short-lived. But during the times it does exist, it feels never ending. Artistic temperament a curse or motivation? My experience is it is both. It’s at the root of my development because I’m constantly questioning myself but those closest to me would probably say it can be a curse because of my consequential mood swings. That and it does cause creative blocks when I’m doubting what on earth I’m hoping to achieve in this crazy creative world I immerse myself in. Is there a corporate world alternative I wonder?
Quotes for August ‘ You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.’ — Tony Gaskins
‘The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behaviour lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behaviour’ — M. Scott Peck
July was the launch month of my first ever release. A narrative piano album called Evolving Reflections. As my website states, ‘Music can trigger an emotional journey, it can tell a tale, or simply be heard. We cannot dictate the experience of a listener but we can create music which has a relatable narrative. Inspired by a collection of photographs, the pieces evolved into stories, representing a mini-biography of a few of my life reflections. Just as lyrics can describe a narrative, the music in Evolving Reflections sings the narrative. You can listen to it on spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/4ABWAvyL5fW4SBw8hgHneg
One thing I’ve learnt from this experience is that I find it very difficult to sell myself. You know the type of artists who are super confident in themselves, you see them everywhere, hear them everywhere, just unashamedly sell sell sell, they potentially become utterly annoying because they have just posted yet another seemingly pointless unrelated instagram post and facebook and twitter and linkedin and snapchat (the existence of the latter is still incomprehensible to me but that’s for another post) and every other social media they can think of, just blah blah blah and they’re …well….everywhere? Well, that’s not me. I’m the type of person who will change the subject when asked about her work in a social situation, I’ll hide away from group discussions of my work, putting a facebook/ twitter/ linkedin update takes either an agonising period of a motivational conversation with myself combined with a bout of the ‘just do it’ approach or alternatively a comatose state where I’m working through my ‘to-do’ list without realising what I’m actually doing. So in all honesty, July became a month of challenging my marketing skills demon. Upon reflection it was ‘jacose’. That’s a word I learnt today. Wonder if I’m using it the correct way?
My experience of journalism this month has been they email you questions and ask you to email your replies back to them. This isn’t a preferable approach for me purely because I’m really not very good at explaining things on paper. I’m much better in person so it’s really taken a lot of hours and multiple drafts to create these interviews/ blogs. If you fancy a read here are the ones that have been published.
Gramophone
Classic FM
BBC Radio Norfolk Press play, then move the slider to 3:32:00 to hear the interview
Arts Professional
Cross-Eyed Pianist
15 Questions
The Creators Project
Love London Culture
The wonderful animator Rebecca Meilak created a beautiful animation for one of the tracks from the album. This can be seen here: https://vimeo.com/174792323
The highlight of the campaign was being on Radio Norfolk. Stephen Bumfrey was wonderful to chat to. I thoroughly enjoyed that interview. If only there had been more like this. The launch event went exceptionally well, better than any of my expectations. I have to thank my friends and family for this. I am so lucky to have such a supportive bunch of people. I hope they know how eternally grateful I am for all their support.
Next thing is to buy a piano for my house. It seems my Dad has become very fond of the beautiful 110 year old Bechstein piano I grew up with so I don’t want to take it away from him! So buy a piano and a concert of the full album in November time which will include piano performances with live electronics from myself and the wonderful pianists who played the two duets. One of the pieces will also be played along to animation and there will be an exhibition of photography. Maybe I’m being too ambitious but that’s nothing new.
Right, this isn’t the intended short post so I will sign off with these quotes:
‘Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands’ - Brene Brown
‘You’re stronger than you believe. Don’t let fear own you. Own Yourself’ - Michelle Hodkin
With two days left in June I’ve blatantly failed this month. That being said I have written a number of blog posts for different publications so that counts right? As a replacement for an official June blog post, here are links to two articles:
http://www.gramophone.co.uk/blog/gramophone-guest-blog/being-deaf-in-one-ear-made-me-the-composer-i-am-today
http://www.artsprofessional.co.uk/magazine/article/how-react-challenges-your-career
I have also written blogs for The Cross Eyed Pianist, BBC Online and 15 Questions but these are to be published in July.
Album launch event next Friday is keeping me busy. Along with practicing for the event and also for a video interview with Classic FM next Friday. Needless to say a July blogpost may be slightly delayed!
For now, I must sign off because I need to get off the train to head to a meeting. #giftoftime #alwaysworking #livingthedream